I'm glad you are feeling better and hope you can continue to stay well Bigjfa. Gojirasan, what an amazing story and thanks for articulating your thoughts during your very rough recovery phase. I am hoping you find that although much of you is not "up to par" with your former self, that you like something about the changed healing self. I work as a critical care nurse and see alot of patients suffer and each journey is experienced differently. I understand how some patients feel when they become suicidal. I think you are on your way to better living and you seem to be more in touch with all that you are doing and listening and expressing your story to others, strangely is healing. No one can know for sure but I feel that we all have a certain energy that is our soul or core self and that it is specefic to us. Liking that self by my observation is the start of happiness. This is just something that I have felt. You should be very proud of your accomplishments to this point and I hope this pride, that is so well deserved, can bring you some happiness. Stay well.
Nancy