((((((Barbara)))))),
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now
I read something over the weekend. Wanted to share it with you:
http://www.papayamaya.blogspot.com/ (the entry for October 13, 2007).
This paragraph especially:
Quote:
Do not try to make the grey sound less grey.
Admit you have temporarily lost your rhythm, your
sunny warbling, your easy obedience to beauty.
It will not make you less beautiful to pull your sounds
from elsewhere. Even the ambulance is singing. The metronome
of the dishwasher. How the raccoons pulverize the garbage cans
the night before the truck comes to empty them. This is your
musical river now, your slash of sunlight, your sibilant muse.
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The bold emphasis is mine. Doesn't this just speak to you when you're down??
Even though it's really hard to believe, try to believe that you are exactly where you're supposed to be right now. I believe The Universe guides our footsteps. We just have to pay attention to what's being said.
You've come an unbelievably long way in a short time. And even thrown in a huge bout of caretaking and friendship in amongst all your other 'stuff' you've got going on. Just think where you were a year ago -- cowering woman living with a not-very-nice man.
You know now you don't deserve treatment like that. If the roommate/squatter and his relatives keep pestering you, get a restraining order. I don't imagine he/they have enough money to hang around much longer. They'll probably be skipping town to avoid the rent arrears. No one is going to believe any BS coming out of their mouths either.
You've got a list of things that you're trying to accomplish -- right??!! More education. Moving to a better neighborhood. Make sure that the steps that you take and the energy that you put out will move you in the direction that you want to go.
'member I told you that The Universe is going to keep putting these "trigger people" up in your face until you learn to not come down on yourself for bad decisions that you think you might have made. You're getting stronger -- keep it up
BIG HUGS.
Barb
