I wish I had some wisdom to give you. Is there anyway you can reduce your duties at work? You are probably doing more than most people there. Can you also make a sign for your door saying busy and close the door....you can add can be reached by email.
If you had less stress from work, maybe that would make it easier on your marriage. also when you feel more rested you can ask your husband in what ways does he think you have changed. I am so sorry that you have additional stress from him.
Bobby