I agree Jo, that behaviour is not typical.

Victoria, It is called Irritability !!! I get so irritable.
I was lucky to have a psychologist who also has chronic pain and could explain so many things to me about caregivers, what is healthy - what's not.
He (psy) confirmed being irritible is part of chronic pain which leads to low endorphins, which leads to depression which leads to irritability and other characteristics of the whole chronic pain syndrome.
It is a chain reaction. Like an atomic bomb going off. I think we all get burned out being in this situation day in and day out.
I am blessed having a spouse who is supportive. He doesn't get his needs mixed up with mine. He doesn't play games with me & his motives are simply to meet my needs. Not everyone can do that, which is ONE reason why there are support groups out there. I think this is one of many support groups that helps our guys (or gals) get back on track when they stress out.

Dawn, mucker and jamy, I think it is very healthy for our s/o's to go off and focus on something else. That is exactly what happens with us. He gets very quiet and does his own thing (which makes me happy) and later checks to see if I am OK or need anything. If I say I need to be alone or I'm sleeping he lets me be. That is just another way of being supportive & understanding.
It takes a high level of maturity to do that though. They must set and keep healthy boundaries. We need them to do that with us. Especially when I get a little selfish and forget the world doesn't revolve around me. And we need to set those boundaries with them too. That way we own our feelings and they don't become co-dependant carrying around our feelings for us.
I hope I'm not confusing anyone.
Vic, I also think because of your beloved's profession you have an extra challenge on your hands. He will be able to thank you for all he learns from you that will make him just that much better working with people who need kindness and understanding. Someone who knows the difference between whether or not we need a touch, a hug or just to be left alone. And that will give some meaning to why you are going through such a terrible time.
Well, that is a lot more than I've said in a long time here. I think it is because I'm emotionally invested in the person as a whole being...physically, emotionally and spiritually. All those different parts of us need to be fed and at those times when WE can't.....we need to be with someone who can.
Hope

OT
Jo, why is it I'm signed out of here every 5 - 10 minutes?