I'm sorry but how can i go to a hospital? I go to casuality and i say i feel sucidal? Do i then sit around till a dr has the time to see me? They will just think i'm mad.

This has been a continal build up since i was 11 but more in the last 5 years. I'm seriously tired. It probably does not sound long to you but i'm weak...

The 'other' helen....the best i can describe her as is a very very big mass, but at the same time not the helen you would see on a daily basis. I often wonder at that because she takes over my mind so i don't understand how she doesn't get through to other people. I cannot put my finger on what she is, she is elusive. She is definately of a different consistency to normal things though. I have often had the feeling that if i jumped out of a window, on the way down the two parts of me would become whole.

I seem to be very aware of where things are. I know one part of me is sitting to the right of my head right now. I know that 'i' dont reach the tips of my fingers, 'i' am about a cm away. It is not that i am numb. I am just not whole.