No, ((((((Helen)))))),

I don't think you're odd at all. I think that you've got a problem that you don't know how to solve and you feel overwhelmed by the whole thing

I see what you mean about some of the symptoms sounding 'bipolar'. I'm not bipolar. Have no experience with that. My label is borderline personality disorder with depression, which, I think, is sort of a cousin to bipolar. Which is probably why I feel such a connection to you guys

Helen, have you had a real good medical checkup recently?? I don't why this comes to mind, but, the first thing I thought when I read that other thread was epilepsy or seizures.

"Five years doesn't sound long" it sounds like an eternity

Helen, if you don't feel safe right now, either call the police at 9-1-1 or go to the emergency room and tell them: "you are not safe, you are suicidal".

I'd like to see you get a real good medical workup -- physical, blood tests, MRI or CT scan of your head. This is only my "Inner Moose Instinct" talking to me -- but, it sounds to me like there's something medically going on.

You know, sometimes, we feel so responsible for other people in the world that we feel guilty when something bad happens. I felt that way for a long time after my Brother died. I felt "responsible" because I knew there was something 'not right' with him and I did not act. The thing I finally had to forgive myself for was I was an immature, unworldly teenager/20-something year old that didn't have the skills or the knowledge to solve the problems that were in front of me. They were my parents' problems to solve. And they were just as immature and unworldly as I was.

Forgive yourself, Helen. All of us of who make decisions and then act, usually are not intentionally meaning to cause any harm. Sometimes we just don't have the knowledge necessary to make that kind of decision. Sometimes we don't have enough information. Time and destiny and circumstances don't always wait until we're "grown up enough" or "educated enough" -- sometimes you have to make a decision NOW and learn to live with the consequences later. That's why "self", above everyone else, should be forgiven first and FAST.

Take care of yourself tonight. If you think you'll be safe, have a nice cup of tea in a pretty cup and hug your pillow and visualize all of us standing with you -- sitting on the floor next to you, standing in back of you in case you fall backwards, standing on your left and your right ... so you can't fall over sideways.

If you think you'll be safer in the hospital, either call the police or go to the emergency room. We'll wait right here for you.

BIG HUGS.

Barb