Where to begin, do I try...do I want to? I must, I registered here, or is this someplace to say my final goodbyes? Hard to imagine that he would have just had his 47th birthday....harder still is to imagine that I've been in paranoid seclusion for 10 months now. I'm tired of hurting, both mentally and physically. I hate living where I am...too many memories, sadly unable to move due to financial situation as well as having to go through all of Michael's things and get rid of them. One huge brick around my neck.

I'm just rambling...looking for a reason to live or just a reason to hope. I miss my will to live, now I just survive.

I sadly remain....