if I told you that I contemplate ways to take my own life at least once an hour while I'm awake. It scares the crap out of me, as I wonder what happened to the person that I was. Then I remember, and I wonder if today will be the day that I get brave enough.

There is so much wrong I don't think it can be fixed at this point. I know the saying of "a permanent solution to a temporary situation", and in looking at everything in my life....it's hard to imagine that this is a temporary situation...in fact, it's pretty f'ed up and doesn't look like it's going to get any better.

Allfe, you pretty lady, are one classy lady in my book. You have did all that you can years ago, when you opened up your heart to all of us, and for that, I thank you.