Hi Wren, it's nice to chat with you and thank you for your kind words.

What would Michael think, he would be in tears over what I've become. Sadly, I don't know how to get myself out of this place anymore. I surrencer, I give up...I can't do it myself. Family...I haven't seen my sister since Michael's funeral, and my father couldn't find the time to show up. I apologize for sounding bitchy, I just feel so alone, hell I am alone.

Michael's family, well first off his mom is now 98 and last I talked to her, she made it feel that I was causing here more painful memories when I called, so I stopped calling and they haven't called me. Children, I have one son from a previous marriage, but Michael loved unconditionally, as well as the grandkids. Sadly they are in Texas with the maternal grandparents (another sad story) and I haven't see or talked to them since 2004.

Maybe the hard part is that I keep trying to find a reason to go on when in reality I shouldn't? So much confusion.....even more pain. I just want to take my marbles and go home, but it doesn't look like it's going to be that easy, yet.