That's good advice Addy has given you....

I'd also consider grief counseling.
You know we walk around (if we're able to get up off the floor) half crazed for months...sometimes years after someone we love kills themselves. I truely believe we aren't responsible nor capable of caring for ourselves or anything else.

So much of that first year is a blank in my memory...I tried to go thru the motions of life..tried to do what I had to do because I wasn't the only one who was suffering but I'm really not sure what went on because I really, really wasn't "here".

That will only make sense to someone who's survived it and Xienite, you must survive it but please be kinder to yourself....you will emerge from this fog,,
granted you will be different than before but you'll be ok. Give yourself
time and lower your expectations.

And please...continue to fight the beast!