My OCD is first thing every morning I try to log on to Braintalk.org.
Then I try again, again and again with no success!
But in reading here on BT2 I've learned this is a habit of possibly 40,000 other people who had relied on the possibilty of it coming back as promised months ago....sigh....
Gosh....why on earth not even a simple one liner just an update would have done much for many!
I just had to put my 2 cents in the hat on this very worn out issue. But this isn't my real OCD...

I will open myself up to being subject to many roll-eyes...but perhaps others may find themselves having some of the same issues....my complusion is really getting bad.
Its causing me loads of anxiety, stress and often embarrasment when my husband tells others my secret "sin"..... I've turned into a pack rat.
I have fears of one day someone knocking on my door with a camera crew behind them....doing a story of people who hoard stuff!
I grew up desperatly poor....I mean welfare poor. My father gambled away my mothers paychecks. We often went hungry...we never had anything nice.
In good times we shopped at thrift stores for Christmas presents...always just for clothing.
I had to wear hand-me downs and church charity, Dorcas closets.
The strongest memory of wanting something was a pair of T-strap shoes. I was in the 3rd grade. These were cherry red sparkely patten leather. No matter how much I begged my mother refused to get them for me. She NEVER got me anything except what was from someones cast off's.
I even prayed to God for them...thats how much I wanted them. To this day whenever I see this color it triggers sadness in me.
Now they've come out with a washer/dryer set in this color, wow! I asked Santa for this set.....Red in my laundry room? But these are a pretty cool set!
The one they've been advertising with the steamer in it.
But the color just triggered memories. When ever I find something...anything with that color I must have it...including cars!
I married my husband back in 1973. He was just graduating from college. We skrimped,saved and "fruggeled" in order to purchase our first home. We invested in more property every year. I drove junk cars, continued shopping at thrift stores, garage sales etc....in order to have money for those type investments.This is about the only thing I did right!
You'd think we were destitute people if you saw the junky cars I'd drive.
My husband got his dream job with Motorola and they gave him a company car, basic ugly sedan so we had reliable transportation except for my junkers.
Other people asked how we were able to afford all that real estate, while they wasted money on fancy new cars, new furniture, expensive clothing and always eating out.
We brown bagged ALWAYS!
We never had new furniture...always from garage sales or thrift stores. I wanted to use the money for better and more houses.
But despite this our home always looked nice, but nothing really fancy.
I was a perfectionist when it came to our home. It was always spotless.
They dubbed me "Ms Neat-nic" amongst the family.
If you'd open a cupboard I even had everything in order, catorgorized and looked like something out of Martha Stewars kitchen.
I love sewing...I'm an awesome seamstress. I also do lots of crafts, I water color, paint and love making "things".
Then.....I became ill in 1990 when I had to stop working. The pain and fatigue overwhelming.
I'd make a small mess when I tried doing my art work, sewing and crafts.
Problem was I didnt have the energy to clean up when I was done.
I'd put everything into a plastic tub, I love the big ones by Rubber-maid...put a lid on it and put it in a closet.
More and more tubs later.....the garage started filling up. I couldn't throw it out....the tubs are filled with good stuff....some half finished projects.
Material is my biggest/worst OCD.
So....I had a huge project/craft room built. I had these awesome cabinets, storage closets custom made for my differing type of crafts.
This room should be someones dream! It has 3 different sections and 2 dormers, sky lites, wall to wall cabinets with cutting tables, dormers have window seats with storage under....perfect!
My husband put in stereo, Flat screen TV entertainment center for me so I could have this awesome area for my stuff.
Then more stuff....more stuff....more stuff!
Now I realize I have a problem with not being able to throw anything away.
I just can't bring myself to give it away or sell anything!
I am absolutly overwhelmed by all this junk!
Then I started putting some of the "over flow" into what is supposed to be my comfort room....I'd designed this awesome room filled with nice antique bedroom set, plum colors, gold and angel decor.
Something you'd see in a magazine. I'd go in there when I couldn't sleep to watch TV and sleep so not to disturb my husbands sleep.
Now that room is filled with tubs of "stuff".
I've been talking to a councelor about all this....decided I've "picked up" an OCD in saving "stuff". Stuff I could do without.....stuff I may never use!
I just can't beleive what I've done, doing. Its a nightmare.
I keep thinking that one day soon...I'll feel good enough to go through the tubs and put it away or get rid of it. My fatigue is often overwhelming to me and I just have enough energy to do a small project....but overwhelmed when it comes to cleaning up the mess I made.
My councelor said its stemmed from fear....old issues of never having anything and the habits I picked up always trying to be frugal so we could buy more real estate.
My walk in closet in our mastor suite is the size of most peoples bedrooms. I can't even put my clothes away because its just too crowded with stuff.
Most of my clothes comes from Cold Water Creek....I love that store...sadly there are a few bags of clothing I purchased....still in the bags!
I guess you might say I am rebelling and spending foolishly for all the times I had to be frugal.
If I threw out all my craft, sewing, art stuff....I would miss it...but if I needed something....I am able to purchase it. But we live way out of town and it takes half hour minimum just to get milk! And besides....I may use my stuff for a certain project.
It just doesn't make sense to anyone.
Then it spilled out into our garage. That did it! So my husband had a huge storage building built to store all my junk!
I decorate Christmas trees for Providence Hospitals Festival of Trees...so I can have a nice place to store that type of stuff there.
When you walk into our home you would never know I had so much junk in those areas....I keep the doors closed...I'm not willing to come out of the closet just yet. I'd really like to get this "Fixed". I often dream of having our home burn to the ground....just a way to start all over again. How awful is this type sicko thinking? We were going to purchase a larger home 3 house down from ours recently but got beat out by another buyer....it had a 35 X 55 foot building and a one bedroom cottage attatched to the house...all on one level with a better veiw than our home...but someone beat us to it in a "bidding war". I still cry about "losing" out on this....but what we really need is for me to get rid of half this stuff.
I also got myself a decent vehicle! No more junky cars! But no energy to drive it! Oh well.
What do I do? How do I fix this?
Gosh....this is embarrising opening up myself with such personal info.
Blessings, cheryl