Nancy, I am sorry to hear about your friends husband too. This is such a ruff time for all involved. A person don't know what to do, but as you have said, "she hates the phone", so don't call. Either e-mail or snail mail would do. After its over with would be a good time to offer help. When life goes on and she don't know where she fits in, maybe that is best time to reach out with a helping hand. We all are different and you know her best, so make a good judgement call and you will do fine. I'll say a prayer for you all!
Much Love,
Billie