"Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!"

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An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked, waiting for her husband. The mother asks the daughter: "What are you doing naked?" The daughter responds: "This is the dress of love." When the mother returns home, she strips naked and waits for her husband. When her husband arrives, he asks her: "What are you doing naked, woman?" She responds: "This is the dress of love." And he said to her, "Well, go iron it first."

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Ponder This: The difference between a neurotic and a psychotic is that, while a psychotic thinks that 2 + 2 = 5, a neurotic knows the answer is 4, but it worries him.


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Prescriptive compliance:
A woman in Arkansas brought her baby in to see the doctor, and he determined right away the baby had an ear ache.

He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it.

Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.

The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours."


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A man goes to the doctor and says to the doctor:
"It hurts when I press here" (pressing his side)
"And when I press here" (pressing the other side)
"And here" (his leg)
"And here, here and here" (his other leg, and both arms)

So the doctor examined him all over and finally discovered what was wrong... "You've got a broken finger!

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The CEO of a large HMO dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter shows him to a lovely villa, wonderful music, great views, full staff of servants, gourmet meals, etc.
The CEO says, "This is terrific!"

"Don't get too comfortable," says St. Peter. "You're only approved for a three-day stay."

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The Ranks of a Hospital
Surgeon:
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more productive than a train
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Talks with God

Internist:
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with God if special request is approved

General Practitioner:
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Can fire a speeding bullet
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Is occasionally addressed by God

Resident:
Barely clears a picket fence
Loses tug-of-war with a train
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Swims well
Talks with animals

Intern:
Makes high skid marks on a wall when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by a train
Is not issued ammunition
Dog paddles
Talks to walls

Medical Student:
Runs into buildings
Recognizes a train 2 out of 3 times
Wets himself with a water pistol
Cannot stay afloat without a life preserver
Mumbles to himself

Nurse:
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks trains off the track
Catches speeding bullets with her teeth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance
The Nurse IS God!!!!