Well, I just had a most unusual experience. I had a cry. I had been wandering about my house just thinking of my son (who left us 6 years ago and whom I haven't seen in all that time). I kept saying out loud "my god, he just up and left us and never looked back". Alan came over and saw that I was having a bad time of it. It hits me sometimes. Doesn't happen often, because I have boundaries put up (a psychiatrist from the neuropathy association told me to do this a long time ago), I have had great practice doing this.

But once in a great while, maybe it happens on a holiday, Christmas, a birthday, whatever, sometimes, the feelings just wash over me and I get, well I guess the correct terminology would be melancholy. I haven't heard or used that word in a long long time.

I'm not trying to hijack this thread or have a pity party, but it's just that by the time I reached 60, I thought I would have completely different life. Life throws you curves doesn't it??

Alan will take me out to Dunkin Donuts, and later on we'll go to our favorite Japanese Restaurant around the corner for our early dinner. I'll have my usual grilled Salmon over bean sprouts and brocoli, with some miso soup and a small ginger salad. It really is a nice Japanese Restaurant. I would always wonder if I could sit with my legs folded under me like many of the patrons do but I'm afraid with my arthritis, I'll get stuck.

So after tomorrow I'll be back to my usual cheery self.

I do thank all of you for your well wishes. I only wish I could feel like a mother again. You see, i just told Alan, "I don't feel like my son's mother", I can't help myself... and my legs and feet were burning. This happens when i think of my son. I have to get more control over this.

Alan has told me "you have to make a choice, you either have to sever ties with Frank and go on with your life, or you have to accept his calls and deal with it.". He thinks I should sever ties. I really wish I could this. He is not good for my health or for my neuropathy, beleive me.

But the guilt a mother feels (even though I just wrote that I dont' feel like a mother, well it has to come out of me. I'm entitled to my feelings and I just vented. Feels a bit good to say what's on my mind.

So to my fellow Scorpios, I hope you all have a very merry Birthday. Hope it's filled with lots of kids, lots of noise, and lots of gifts.

Bye for now, Melody