AMN: Come on you guys! Time is wastin' away here and we don't even have her married off yet!

DM: Shut up, AMN... does this computer make my butt look big?

AMN: *smack*

DM: Ouch! Okay, let's see. Danny and I were joined at the hip and knew we were matched for life. We got a VW bus and lived in it down by the river while we saved for our dream house, a bigger van. By Christmas, we had even talked about getting married and the only place that seemed perfect for our nuptials was, naturally, Fargo. We found a charming seamstress who was able to make us decorative, matching white unionsuits, and we set a date, April 1. It was no joke, we meant business.

Our whole families attended our glorious service and the polka band played through the night as we joyfully celebrated our union with Yoohoo, Oreos and Pinochle all around. We were so happy and we were off on our honeymoon in wedded bliss. Say what you want about Toledo, we were in love and their bus service is top-notch.

A few months into our marriage, Danny surprised me with a shock that nearly knocked me over. It seemed that he had been gainfully employed throughout our courtship and had socked away a small fortune. I'll never forget my amazement when Danny handed me the key to a real house! There was even a fake owl in the yard to scare off unwanted rodents! The real surprise came when Danny explained to me that my recent, uncontrolled weight gain meant that we were going to have a baby!...