Vicc,
I understand. I talked to a man once that told me to try and hang in there because the reason we are here suffering on earth is because God chose us before we were born to go through these trials or test what ever you want to call it. When God decides to take us, we that suffer so greatly will have the greatest rewards when we go. At the time he told me this, I was going through an awful time with depression. I couldn't understand why God did this to me.This man said alot more to me, too long to get into now. But it gave me some comfort that I needed at the time. I realized that God didn't hate me, and I belive all of us here will be blessed when we go. Some people might not agree with me, but sometimes it gets me through the day. I am praying for you and hope you get through this hard time.

SUE K.