No need to apologize, I'd imagine everyone on this board has those same feelings towards their situations.

I think it's good you're being honest with yourself regarding your injury. For me, from day one (or at least from the point that it became obvious I wasn't healing like I was "supposed to") I've always known that I would either defeat this PCS or this PCS would defeat me. I'm not going to make any compromises with it.

Has my life been worth living for the past 4 and 1/2 years? Absolutely not. But was my life worth living before this injury took place? Without question, yes. Can I get back to where I was before... or is it even possible that I can heal from this entirely, considering all the time that's passed? If I didn't believe so, I would have been dead years ago.

My mantra through this has always been that I will do everything in my power to defeat this one moment in time, to get myself back, and to get my arms back around a life that's unquestionably good. If I actually get to a point where I'm still sick, and where there's nothing left to try, and all hope has truly been lost... well, then I'll have a very difficult decision to make, but I don't think that day will come anytime soon.

For the record, I have healed more in the past 10 months than I did in the first 42 months following my injury COMBINED, so please don't listen to any defeatest doctors who may tell you that what you're experiencing is permanent. It's only permanent if you believe it is... something tells me that if you truly believed what you have is permanent, you wouldn't still be here today either.

A word of advice: You don't have to live with a headache, vision problems, and pain for the rest of your life, you only have to live with them TODAY. For all you know, they'll be gone tomorrow.