HI EVERYONE

gosh, i really did get the warm fuzzies seeing your replies

Hi Bizi and Nikko

Befuddled... wowww. i really admire you for that. i am not even working right now... don't know how i'd do anything right now... but that is great... it is a great inspiration to know i have company in this re-schooling thing!

Mari! Now that is some NEWS. thank you for posting that. Ok, so now I'm like... ok, in about how long it would take me to train, there will be a high demand for health professionals... in the US ok, i best not get excited yet.

see, it's easy for me to get excited sitting here, in bed, with the laptop. but when i decide to do anything... if i get as far as deciding... as opposed to wondering... and not investigating...

moodwise i have been stable but on the downside, except for the past few days where i went off my benzo and decided to cut the beer and crap and all at the same time ooooops. couldn't sleep one night. went haywire the morning. i had even missed/skipped my zoloft the day before (thank goodness!!!) got that in check now. back to something completely different?

i have moments of terrror where i dread my parents' passing, i just don't know howi could endure it i don't know why the fear hits me so hard, they are healthy even! I am afraid of myself too. Of never getting back up on my feet again. I am working on anger in therapy and it brings up abandonment in me, and probably a lot of crap i don't even realize is tied to it.

but... actionwise... i'm in a "stuck" place. i ask myself questions but have no answers. maybe i'm not asking the right questions.

~ waves ~