my father has been gone almost a year. i was with him. i do not know if it would have been better if i was not there. he died with copd. i watched almost a month as he struggled to breathe. at night i close my eyes and i not only hear him gaspping i see him. i am 40 years old. i cry myself to sleep nightly. i know your pain. i wish i had the answers you seek but i`m lost in the grief fields with you. please remember that you are not alone.