Paula,

Your view is not simplied at all. I feel your frustration as well. Things aren't what they should be, and there's no way to control it. You have the gumption to do the work, but the energy or the physical ability isn't. It's too bad that the others in your household couldn't be more helpful instead of relying on you to do the work. In my household of 6 adults, we all pitch in the best we can to get things done no matter how rotten the chore.

I used to play the piano at a concert-level. Over the past three years, my abilities have slowly slipped from my fingers so now when I have a 'good' day, what ever that is, it's not anything close to what I was like even three years ago. I would love to be back where I was then, and I was complaining about that! This is like someone or some being is slowly, ever so slowly, chipping away at my soul and pulling the music from my grasp. I struggle now, even on my good days, to play a slow Chopin Nocturne without too many mistakes. The music no longer flows from my fingers and hands the way it used to. I've actually closed the music in shame, and walked away in tears. At one point, I was going to give up, walk away, and go for a swim in the muddy Merrimack! This is very depressing, discouraging and painful.

So having said this, I've done a lot of thinking, and I've learned to take things in stride. This is the life we've been dealt and there's not much we can do about it except for living it the best we can.

Am I happy? Well only with pills. The Celexa has smoothed out the bumps, but in reality the answer is Hell no! Who can be happy when we face a chronic condition with no cure anytime soon.

John