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Originally Posted by waves
i have moments of terrror where i dread my parents' passing, i just don't know howi could endure it i don't know why the fear hits me so hard, they are healthy even! I am afraid of myself too. Of never getting back up on my feet again. I am working on anger in therapy and it brings up abandonment in me, and probably a lot of crap i don't even realize is tied to it.
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Dear Waves,
This is some powerful stuff and probably important. You are improving your future by doing this work.
Maybe you are in a better place if you are able to deal with some of these things.
But keep in mind that they issues are common and not unusual with all kinds of people. We people with bp are just closer to our emotions and used to talking about them in therapy. This is my way of saying that you will be ok.
What bugs me about therapy is that I had 8 tough years with a brilliant tdoc in my twenties/thirties. Then in my early forties I returned to therapy and found the same issues. I thought that we had gotten through them once and for all years ago!
I think that the new tdoc said that we climb up and around a mountain as we get older and learn about our selves. Then we can look down and see the same darn issues but from a different perspective. Something like that. It made sense when she said it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by waves
but... actionwise... i'm in a "stuck" place. i ask myself questions but have no answers. maybe i'm not asking the right questions.
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Be stuck for now. You'll find your way.
When I haven't been able to get answers to my questions, I stop asking and simply affirm what I do know: This is me. This is what I do well. This is what I want in my future. This is how I see myself.
OK. Not really. But I think I do something akin to that.
Have you done the exercise when you move ahead to 85+ years old and look around the room you are in. What do you hope to see?
Some people see off spring. Some see something else that is beautiful and fundamental to their view of self and their life well lived.
I admit that this exercise doesn't work for me totally. But it can help in someways. I hope for peace and clear stone cold stabilty.
Not sure if my rambling are any help at all.
Know that I think about you.
Mari