((((((Olaf)))))),



You know what stood out the MOST out of all you just said?? (You were very brave for posting that, by the way.) What stood out the most to me was: most people that are in pain do everything in their power to avoid experiencing any more pain because that one last drop of pain on the camel's back is gonna crack the back -- excuse the metaphor mixing

You almost sound like you're 'paying for' something!!?? Something you did?? Something your parents did??

If I were your body, I'd be in pain -- constant pain -- too. Sounds like the only thing that you haven't hurt is your hair

I understand the anger and the rage. My son is just wrapping up 10 years for a road rage incident in which the police were involved. He's got somewhere between 3 to 5 months left. There's a problem in this state in the way that they calculate 'good time'.

Olaf, when you're given a diagnosis for something that will be 'chronic', you need to attempt to take good care of yourself so that whatever "it" is, you will be able to cope with "it" better. Do you "CARE FOR" yourself, Olaf?? I see a lot of self-directed rage.

I've been reading a book that's about a woman who's using a combination of therapeutic touch and Reiki and instinct to help people cope better with the after-effects of surgery. She's discovered through her work that a lot of people, both men and women, take on problems from their parents and display those problems physically. A woman that was an unwanted pregnancy gets uterine cancer. A man who was carried by a woman that was exposed to a lot of rage while she was pregnant carries that rage in his guts and ends up getting stomach cancer.

The book is "Hands of Life: From the Operating Room to Your Home, an Energy Healer Reveals the Secrets for Using Your Body's Own Energy Medicine for Healing, Recovery, and Transformation" by Julie Motz. If you can get it and read it, you might find that aspects of it apply to you. It might be worthwhile discussing with a therapist or someone who works in the field of energy healing.

I know this sounds all "new age-ie", but, there's been recent research done by creditable investigators that's shown a link between whether or not a grandparent suffered starvation when they were children and a grandchild who will have food problems. It's only been seen between grandparent and grandchild. Seems to skip a generation.

Speaking from the viewpoint of someone who's first suicide attempt was at age 16, someone who lost her younger brother to suicide at age 22, some who attempted suicide many times over the next 13 or so years -- you need to understand yourself and your behavior and why you put yourself into certain situations. Nothing will change unless you understand the reasons "why" and then change the behavior.

There are people all over the world that live every day in horrendous pain. They are able to do that because of their attitude. Years ago, during the 'suicide years', I had no tolerance for physical pain at all. That was the "camel's back" effect -- the one more thing that I could not tolerate.

After years of therapy and tons of writing and many tons of talking to myself , I'm in a better place than I've ever been.

Olaf, you need to forgive yourself, understand yourself, and take CARE of your self.

Thank you for sharing with us. BIG HUGS.



Barb