Hi Mark,

Yes, certainly people treat you differently. I don't tell people unless I must and I almost never must (specially when ya gotta work, as you know...)

Now I'm not saying I'm right to do this, it's just what I do and I do it because I myself am terribly upset when I see my friends in pain or distress, plus its almost impossible to explain it properly - hey, even doctors can't. But even with good friends, I just say it's a nerve pain disorder and always underplay it. However, as you've just experienced, if someone's actually in your house on a bad day, you can't pretend.

A while ago I visited a friend with Parkinson's. He'd deteriorated since I saw him last - and I felt dreadful that I'd put him to the trouble of coping with a guest; he could hardly get around and I found myself wondering how he'd managed with bedsheets and soforth. I decided that I wouldn't stay actually with him in future, if I was in the area I'd stay somewhere nearby - I know other people in the area, so it wouldn't seem too obvious.

Perhaps that's how your friend felt. Mind you, I would never, ever tell my Parkinson's friend, I wouldn't want to hurt him - or make him think that it was the *fact* of his illness that had changed my mind.

Then there are other friends. One, who I love dearly but is as annoying as hell, has a withered arm and leg through polio. It's not painful, but she's slow and incapacitated. She lives in the US but visits HK quite often and until recently would stay with me a few days. She's naturally a touchy-feely person, and she will say "Whadya mean it hurts? If I go like this.. (pokes me) ya mean?" pinches me, bats my arm, jabs a finger...OMG. Till I said "Enough already! You're not staying here any more!". Having said that, she's coming next Friday - but for one night only (I hope). She says "Well, I just don't understand it, I'm disabled and I don't act like that.." I say "Listen carefully: it's a *P-A-I-N* disorder. I will wear a suit of armour till you've gone."

I don't know what the answer is, but I'm so sorry it's happened to you. Apart from anything else, if there's one thing we need more than anything, it's friends. Maybe he was just trying to spare you trouble and just isn't good at expressing himself? I think I'd look at it like that, you two go way back, after all.

So. You just keep that chin all the way up there!
Take care, all the best..