I think that there is a lot of survivor guilt that kids feel. My friend never engaged in therapy- either with his family or on his own. I think this would have done him a world of good. And especially the one on one therapy- just the child and a therapist. My friend always felt like he had to be so strong for his parents that he never let his feelings out. And that is so important. He had a pretty big escaping period with drugs, and I really feel like this never would have happened if he had an outlet. Some place where he didn't have to be the one who was left by fate. He felt a lot of pressure, and it's a lot for little shoulders to bear. (Imagined or real pressure in this situation.)

If you need to just be alone over Thanksgiving, just be with your immediate family. But sometimes more people can be a really good distraction, or a help in celebrating the person you are missing when you tire of carrying that mantle. It's hard to always be on, and while you probably feel like that's how you would have to be, maybe try to think that no one will ever fault you for not being perky or 'on' during this time.

Jeez- I just reread that and I want to say that I am not telling you that your kids are going to become druggies or anything! But they may need more of an escape than people realize. And remember to give yourself some escapes too.

It still hurts, and they weren't my brothers- I just saw it all from the side. And I can't tell you how long it will take until you feel brave enough to take on causes and lend support to others. It was a long time for my friend's mom. But I will always regard her as one of the bravest women I have ever met, mainly because she wasn't always brave and strong. Many a bottle of wine flowed on their birthdays, and you know what- you are more than allowed! You don't always have to be the strong one. I think it helped everyone when the veil of stoicism broke down here and there.

I hope some part of this helps in some small way. I hope that you can find some moment of peace in this upcoming holiday. Whether it's stolen away or with family- try to find just a moment.
Linnie