i totally broke down in my mdoc's office once. to hand her a form to keep and send on as bureaucratic procedure. she didn't want it and was quite vehement. the procedure was different.

this was after i was in her waiting room for over an hour crammed with people old ladies yacking arrogant idiots loudmouthing on cellphones and children bad breaths people bumping into one or jiggling chairs but i wanted to be NORMAL and BRAVE and NOT take any lorazepam. HAH.

by the time i actually did get into her office i was springloaded.

when she handed me back that form saying it was my job to forward it and give her a copy, i started sobbing myself sick trying to choke out words, finally pointed somewhere in the area i know my dx was coded, on the stupid piece of paper i had gone there to hand her. besides it was an authorization form - either for zyprexa or seroquel... but either one screams... like, i'm NOT ok.

i had another bad (not emotional at the time, but it eats at me) experience last night, asking something about my blood test interpretation.

i hate this stuff. and getting tossed around too. i was lucky in the clinic, but when i moved to my parents, i had to change GP. had to. not just for convenience. regulations. my old GP had her high horse she could get on... but she wasn't always that way, AND she was VERY good. she would also give me clinical answers to things i asked.

the time i broke down in her office. after she sorted me out. she told me if i ever came in not feeling right again not to worry about the lorazepam to grab her the first patient came out, and she would take me right away.

bla bla bla bla.

i hope you keep your promise to yourself

~ waves ~