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Originally Posted by Mari
This is some powerful stuff and probably important. You are improving your future by doing this work.
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definitely. its ripping me up meantime, but i sort of expected that. i basically set up with my pdoc to focus on these issues after my job thing went kerplatt. and therapy is a job in itself so might as well do it while i'm unemployed.
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in my early forties I returned to therapy and found the same issues. I thought that we had gotten through them once and for all years ago!
I think that the new tdoc said that we climb up and around a mountain as we get older and learn about our selves. Then we can look down and see the same darn issues but from a different perspective. Something like that. It made sense when she said it.
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the new tdoc sounds like a former tdoc of mine - she said that as we grow, we naturally see our issues from a different place, and have to deal with them at that level, where before, that was not possible.
however these are issues that are more abstract and deeper than i have even dealt with before. it's actually new work. but they probably underpin a lot of event-related crises and chronic issues i have, or have had, and which in many cases have triggered or escalated transient reactions to major mood episodes...
i still question if i am really bipolar or if there is just a lot of psych stuff boiling. one of my songs describes me as a storming sea. either way, its a chemical broth in the end, but like you said getting a grip on these things might ehhh... calm the ~ waves ~ lol.
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Be stuck for now. You'll find your way.
When I haven't been able to get answers to my questions, I stop asking and simply affirm what I do know: This is me. This is what I do well. This is what I want in my future. This is how I see myself.
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i like these suggestions. i have never "accepted" the daily affirmations thing, because many examples of "affirmations" i feel as
aspirations, i.e. unreal at the time. contrarily, your examples are quite grounding. i would have to skip the future one. mine would be: "I don't know what i want in my future." (to avoid saying, "I don't know if I want a future.")
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Have you done the exercise when you move ahead to 85+ years old and look around the room you are in. What do you hope to see?
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this is not a right now thing for me to do. i am afraid to live until that age as i am terrified i will be homeless and starving. better not to dwell on those thoughts. will save for better days.
Thank you Mari for all your thoughts and your "ramblings" as you call them are helpful.
~ waves ~