Family can be difficult at the best of times.
I have struggled with issues on both sides for years and have not come up with a good solution except to avoid stressful situations. And that doesn't always work.
For the life of me, I cannot figure out why they must continue to try to change another family member, especially one they only see once or twice a year. It just baffles me.
I have long ago given up trying to please my mother. I knew it was a lost cause when I was in high school. She is one of those people who enjoys being unhappy and is at her best when everyone around her is unhappy. She relishes in it. Therefore, my sister and I refuse to engage her. She does not know I have MS, nor will she ever. She is 90 and will not live much longer. The reason? She would make it her fault and her cause. I refuse to be her "center of attention" getter. It would be "oh poor me, my daughter has MS" and she has no clue what MS is and would embarrass herself and anyone around her making me some sort of freak. It would be all about HER.
Family dynamics can be interesting, and sometimes entertaining.

I have some free entertainment coming up if anyone wants to come watch!