i thank you all so very much...your words are truth but i am so lost...can't seem to find my way..i am trying to stay busy at work..but that is only 6 hrs out of the night- yes i am very angry at the hospital workers and myself...when i try to let go of the anger i drown in the tears...my therapist and i are working hard on this problem--not getting far--it is so hard!!!!!! between the physical pain and the depression(mental pain) i am a wreck..traiin wreck..looking at the light at the end of the tunnel and it is the train light ready to run me down some more... guess i am still a work in progress......forever........thanks for thinking of me and all your words of wisdom...i will keep trying--forever is a long time--and forever is how long i will miss my david---prayers for some peace of mind for us all---linda