barb--i am so sorry for you and all the others who have had such devastating losses in their life...when i remember all the memories it is just still too hard to enjoy them..they make me so sad that i won't have any more future things to make memories of him..the memories hurt me beyond words..they make my heart bleed...i know this is not what he nor my mom want for me..but one by one my whole family has gone--leaving me to miss them--it is just too much for me to deal with..the day for laughing and smiling while remembering all the wonderful times we had i pray will happen soon cuz this pain is so much for me to handle...thanks for all your caring..i really don't know where i would be without you and this site...i have never met such caring people and thank god everyday for having found it and all of you..it does help me so very much--even thru all the tears i cry--my friend wants me to go to group therapy--but i don't think i am ready yet...i always feel things so hard and hearing others in pain hurts me too...maybe one day??? just not yet...i am still trying.... hugs to you..your words do make me feel as if i am not so alone-- my friends think i am holdiing on to my losses too much and really don't want to hear it anymore--so i keep my feelings mostly to myself and my therapist--who i see on wed. should see her everyday..but costs too much in co-pays--she has been a doll and not charging me the $30. a visit..i give her what i can when i can-and she is ok with that...going to have a cup of tea and try to sleep...hopefully without my sad dreams---linda