TRIGGER!!!!! DEATH


A month ago, my girlfriend died recovering from surgery that was not supposed to be that dangerous. I am only able to write about it now. That seems both spineless and callous. How could only a month be enough for me to go though the vortex of grief to the point that I can rationally speak of her death?

We knew each other for over two years and had been together as partners for over a year, but we are both "old". I am sixty and she was fifty-eight. Every day brought more information out about each other's past life, and our plans for the future, (of which the surgery was a factor), became more concrete. Now it is all dust.

We were both members of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, a peer group for those so afflicted. She was Bipolar and I had Major Depressive Disorder, (as far as can be determined). We met at a group meeting and our love developed slowly.

She was the most demonstratively compassionate person that I ever met. When new members came into the group in tears, it was she who walked across the room, put her arms around them, and told them that they were at the right place. Without her, the group is but a shadow.

I organized a memorial for her a week ago Sunday which was so well-attended that we had to steal chairs from other rooms to seat all the participants. The speeches that were made about her were inspirational. She was loved by so many people for so many unique reasons.

I am strongly tempted to delete what I have written. It is so pallid and cold compared to the person that I am trying to describe. But I want as many people as possible to know that a unique crazy human being left this earth, a human being who raised the spirits, calmed the anxious, and reaffirmed the self-esteem of more people than I can count. I will spend the rest of my life looking for someone equally crazy, but I doubt that there was more than one.

If life were rational, she would have been world-renowned. Empathetic talent such as hers is rarer than gold. However, at least I knew her.

Sorrowfully,
highhatsize

P.S. Sorry not to have been around for awhile. I was just feeling too good.