I think you have the right perspective on this very sad situation. That must be a way to translate hopeless feelings into something positive. Buddhism probably does it. I think it is so hard setting boundaries. He probably has to learn to help himself. Boy does that sound dumb.
I haven't called Ron who is still in the hospital. Georgy, who cleans for both me and Ron said that when he has discussed his problems with Ron, Ron's general attitude is to forget about them. I don't think that works at all because I really don't think there is an escape hatch.
You must be in a very frustrating situation but I really think you are handling it so well and are overcoming mammoth obstacles which attached themselves to you because of your childhood(ha) role...
Bobby