I certainly agree with your sentiments about changing the rules, but I've been trying to do that for a very long time now. I've always known from day 1 following my injury (or at least the first day I realized it wasn't healing properly) that either this trauma or I needed to go, we simply cannot coexist. So I've fought and I've fought, and I've invoked science alongside religion, and while even after my most recent injury I'm now in a MUCH better place than I was in 4 years ago (or 3, or 2, or 1), I am still not in a place that is okay. It's unacceptable.

Discussing various topics both with people who suffer from PCS as well as those who suffer from a less specialized form of PTSD, I've found that a lot of folks with problems similar to mine develop these incredibly complex algorithms that they follow to navigate their way through each day. While I'm impressed with their ability to cope, I also realize that I couldn't be further removed from their view on life. I think I'm just too damn stubborn to cope, or at least to develop coping mechanisms permanently. I will not make compromises with life - I will live it, or I will leave it. These are the terms. This above all else: To thine own self be true, eh?

I apologize for the lack of cohesion here... I think after 55 months of this stuff, I'm just very tired. I'm not giving up yet, nor did I write this while dangling off the edge of a tall building, but this latest injury has me frightened, confused, and depressed... I suppose I just needed to vent. Anyone who could give me a mention in their prayers tonight would be greatly appreciated; the big guy just seems to have turned a deaf ear to my family.