I know you are a formidable mom and you will get to the bottom of this.

As the child gets older and hormones start to kick emotions is time to get teachers to learn about feelings and to teach charges how to deal with them and not sweep them, literally, under the (rug), in this case, table.

If, in any situation, Vince is telling the truth (ruling out the chances that "she said that in my head") and I have no doubt that he is, there is ways to deal with feelings without hugs or touching (Right, Keg)) just spend a few minutes relating with comments about life is tough, life is not fair, the problem is not yours (in some cases) and you have to realize that some people never will acknowledge wrongdoing (like a politician when being confronted: deny,denied, avoid, blame the victim, etc.).

I remember when the autistics had good caregivers and when one would have a "bad moment" the caregiver would stop him and talk very calmly, soothing the autistic, saying nice words and then a few jokes until the autistic smiled, all done quietly the others and some parents hardly would noticed. Now is considered an "anxiety attack" and given an Ativan

I know you will overcome this, but is time to face the problem of some people of authority, grown ups, not able to feel for others. You have already created a embracing home where your children can express their feelings without being putting down as weaklings. That's important.