Time to change your luck. Reading your posts leaves me feeling that you need more support. You seem to be running into mountains without a team to pull you up or even a toss you some old tools. Reach out more. Then do more again.
Can you find a group meeting? Would a group therapy type situation help you find other women who can talk about how they are coping with making changes in their lives?
Do you have a drop in place? I recently found out that our county hospital has a drop in center for people with mental issues.
Or a group of single woman starting over?
Is your community college big enough to have lots of groups? sometimes they have groups than do women's empowerment. Heck, it could even be any group with people who can help you connect to them and to the way the system works and to the services available to you.
Highhatsize has found a great deal of personal satisfaction in his depression and bipolar support group.
I'm trying to think of other groups here.
How about a knitting group?
Political action group?
Swim class?
Volunteer at library to teach reading?
Well you know what I mean. You need more people in your life. At least that is my nonprofessional opinion
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Like my shrink telling me to try to make my marriage work after my husband had forced himself on me.
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I read recently that a lot of DV and other type of counseling does not help the victim. It can actually makes the victim more compliant about the abuse. Pretty terrifying to think that in some cases no therapy might be better than crummy therapy.
Still, I am reminding you, in case you have forgotten, that you have come a long way and that you are doing amazing work for yourself. Keep going.
M.
PS
At one point in her life, my sister found amazing support in a Weight Watcher's group of all things. It was an amazing group with amazing chemistry and an amazing leader. Plus, my sister was probably at the right time of her life for that group. She lost weight, but, more importantly, she connected and learned lots from strong interesting woman. I think that she contributed lots too.
Just a thought.
Maybe you could find a group activity like this.