Well David, I, for one, feel very touched to read your words and to know you better
Thank you for being painfully honest.

I do not want you to feel weak because you turned to drink tonight. I know you're going to beat yourself up... it can be a vicious circle... so, if you can... allow yourself forgiveness tomorrow

We all turn to that which helps us forget.

You've got a hell of a good reason to feel the way you're feeling right now. You are very atune to who you are and I commend you for recognizing what brought you to where you are today.

I think that recognizing the problem(s) is a huge accomplishment... and it seems to me that you are very knowledgeable...

right now you're in a situation that you know you can't change.

All I know is this - the only thing you can change is yourself.... and once you change your reactions, your situation, your location, your job, ... whatever IT is that is creating havoc in your life...
then things will get better again.

I can't write too much right now... maybe I've written enough... maybe I'll be back later... maybe I won't...

Hang in there David.
This too, shall pass!
And if you can stay home tomorrow, stay home... I think you need a mental health day.