Dear Ada, My heart is hurting for you, I am so sorry for all of your pain and losses- it is overwhelming.I just feel your sorrow and will keep you in my prayers, I hope you can find a peaceful place in your mind- that is what i have to do at times and just keep breathing and take my self away on a mental journey for a while and try to be as still and peaceful as possilbe.Just know that a stranger has you in their prayers, maybe if you try a mental journey well meet one day. I dont allow pain in my mental journeys, it does help me.Take care Sincerely, CZ