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In Remembrance
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: SE Kansas.
Posts: 374
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In Remembrance
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: SE Kansas.
Posts: 374
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The trial has been postponed until after I meet with my doc again (Jan 11).
After reading here that a liver enzyme test might be possible before the trial, I called the hospital and learned that one would be done. What with just having learned that my liver is enlarged, I didn't want to travel 150 miles just to learn there is a problem and be sent home, so I asked if the doc could order the test be done locally. It was done Nov 22.
On Nov 23, the local hospital called and said more tests had been scheduled, and could I come in today? I said no. She tried to tell me how important these tests could be, but I'm not interested in learning how damaged my liver may have become after 28 years of opiates.
I am not interested in doing anything to fix the damage or what will happen if it isn't fixed. I only want to find out whether the trial can begin despite the results of the test that has been done. My doc understands that I have no desire to do anything to extend my life, and I'm hoping he will decide to go ahead with the trial on the assumption that I will suffer less cumulative damage with the pump than with the oxycodone I now take. He knows that without pain relief, I cannot tolerate the pain. so there is no chance he would stop prescribing oxy no matter how much damage it might do.
As I said before, I don't want or need pity. I really don't need to be told that there may be ways to mitigate the liver damage I may have already suffered: I have no desire to do anything that might extend my life.
(Five years ago I began to experience pain in my chest and left arm; I took three vicoprofen, poured a cup of coffee, lit a cigarette, and waited for what would happen next. I think that tells you how I feel).
I am not suicidal. I realize how suicide affects families, and will not end my life because I'm not happy with it; I will let nature take its course. There is a difference.
I hope that I'm making too much of that lab test, but I can't help but suspect that my extremely low energy, weight loss, and just feeling on the edge of being nauseaus and not well could be related to something I've expected for years. I know better than to tell people who care about me not to worry, you will. All I can do is say that I'm ok with whatever happens.
I will post again after talking to my doc...Vic
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The great end of life is not knowldege but action. T. H. Huxley
When in doubt, ask: What would Jimmy Buffett do?
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