Holy smokes, what a wonderful reply. Right on!

I truly believe that I have the acceptance piece conquered. I have accepted that this may not get better (but still believe that it might get better).

As in your post- what I truly need to work on is not caring about perceptions. Perhaps it's a self-esteem problem, who knows, but I've always gone over and above (caring for others, work for my employer, being cheerful, etc.) because it made me feel like I was valuable.

At this moment in time, I can't do those things and I feel like I'm going to lose everything that I have.

I need to understand that my value is not what I'm able to do for other people. I need to truly believe that my value is inherent simply because I am a human being placed on this planet.

I can still love and care about people- I just can 'do' as much right now as I've done before. I can honestly say that if one of my friends or loved ones were in my position, I'd want to smack them for even THINKING they need to pretend around me.

I need to grant myself that same permission.

I slept for 13 hours last night. My goal today is to not feel guilty about that.

By the way, my husband is the sweetest, kindest man I've ever met (lucky me!), so I hope that my writing that he doesn't understand doesn't reflect poorly on him. I'm pretty sure y'all understand that someone can be sweet and loving and still not get it.