Originally Posted by moonstar

i keep hearing that time will help me with missing my david,,,but it gets worse each day..each second... i am being told to remember the good times and memories..but they make me miss him more...i am in therapy and each week i am getting sadder..the memories hurt...i am trying so hard to keep things together and not have a breakdown---but i am having no success..i miss holding him,and the way he held on to me..we needed each other to make the days worthwhile..now nothing makes the days worthwhile...the nights are intolerable..all the pain in my heart is making all my medical issues soooo much worse..i am seeing so many drs that i have depleted all my savings and am forcing myself to try to make it to work each day..the drs want me to retire.. due to my sleep attacks,nights of insomnia,sleep apnea(cpap machine didn't help) rsd,and fibromyalgia...but i have no $$$$ in savings at all to not work...and staying home where david died takes my breath away and my will to stay here---when david was here keeping him safe and healthy and happy gave me a purpose to put my issues aside and care for him---but i depended on the hospital to watch you for 20 min. and they hurt you badly...because i let someone else do my job to care for you.. i lost you...my life will never be the same...i am failing at everything i try...and i feel like i don't fit into this cruel world anymore...i am being very selfish for wanting him back..but i don't want to be here without him...my heart and soul died the day he did....my life is so empty ...moonstar