((((((Barbara)))))),



That

You must have all kinds of conflicted feelings about this -- about losing him, about being glad that he's gone, about the marriage really-really being over My EX died in 1996 (more than 16 years after I left him) -- I was really surprised at how hard it hit me. He was sick for about six months before he died. I spent that last week in hospice in the hospital with him and his wife and his son and our son. I had just left a couple of hours before he passed and I was the only one there when the priest came.

It's sad that a man dies young -- even if we do have negative history with them, it's still sad.

It's gonna be a real kick in the about the alimony. Make sure that you re-apply for all the services that you applied for originally -- you might be eligible for more due to changed circumstances -- Section 8 Certificate, food stamps, Medicaid, etc.

I've been in a kind of low-level depression for about six months. Not eating right or enough. Not sleeping well, but sleeping too much. Staying up until 3AM and sleeping all day. I finally got into a clinical trial for SAM-e which is a nutritional supplement, but, it's been shown to work well in boosting the effects of SSRIs (Prozac) and SNRIs (Effexor, Cymbalta). I was only in the trial for about two months and I've noticed a huge difference. It's nice to wake up without that cloud hovering over my head. Right now, I'm in a second phase of the trial. I'll take the drug on my own (if it ever warms up enough here for me to get to the pharmacy) and go back once a month for follow-up.

I don't know what to tell you, Barbara. I know you'll get over this -- you're a strong person (even if sometimes you don't feel it). You've got tons of support here

There's at least one of us (Moi) here that understands how conflicting it feels to have an ex-husband die I do understand all the kinds of things that might be running through your head

Try not to push everyone and everything away from you when you're feeling down. That was the ONE thing I did not do this time during this depression -- back away from the forums. I didn't go as low as I used to 20-30 years ago either, I think that's because I held on tighter and I learned from my history.

There's been way too much crappy/bad stuff for you this year. Maybe that means that's the end of it!!?? Hopefully, you can start the new year on a better, more solid footing WITHOUT THE DEPRESSION. I certainly hope so.

BIG HUGS (and love)

Barb

PS: I hadn't seen your second message. Some friend !! Call the Social Security Administration. I think there might be some sort of benefit off his account because you were married more than 7 years and neither of you remarried. I'm not 100%, but check it out anyway. If you want to keep that friend, tell her/him that "the remarks were rude and inconsiderate, that you have a right to know that someone that you used to love and were married to for a long time has passed away and it doesn't have a dang thing to do with money. It has to do with 'heart'."