I'm really bummed at how TOS has crushed (nice pun ?) my Christmas plans.

The last few years, TOS has made it necessary to buy most gifts online, use gift bags instead of wrapping, and a fake tree instead of real.......but I can live with those.........

Last Sunday, my sister and mother took me shopping at a large outlet mall. My sister ran all the packages back to her car after each store so I wouldn't have to carry stuff. I still ended up in bed for the next three days.

Yesterday, my mom came to help clean (and order my kids around to clean their stuff) my house. I'm the eldest child, so Christmas dinner is always at my house. Last night, after working all day, she declared my house to be beyond hope for cleanliness by Christmas.......so dinner will be at my sister's.

I know this is for the best. I've been screaching at my kids for weeks to pick up their junk. My husband used to be more active in picking up/cleaning and getting our boys to work. Our pre-existing marital difficulties have really blown up this year, so now he's pretty useless.....except for paying the bills.

I'm just so frustrated.....mad at my body, mad at him, mad at my kids who are 11 and 13 and capable of picking up after themselves if they only tried. When I complain to family and friends, I get either "Oh, surely it's not that bad....just do a little every day" or "you sound depressed, maybe they should go up on your antideppressant"

I feel like I'm drowning and just getting deeper and deeper each day. I know that I could do a little more than I am doing, but I so don't like the pain that comes with it. I can handle pain that's a 7 that comes down to a 4/5 with meds and ice. I just can't handle doing more and being a 8/9/10 that only comes down to a 7 with meds and ice. My neuro doesn't want to go up on meds because I can be reasonably comfortable.....as long as i do nothing. I know that it's still much better than before I found this doc and was getting no relief.........but then my kids and husband did listen to me a bit more.

I know that "it is what it is" and things could be a lot worse (ie...if I could never go out or WC shut off payments) but I'm really in a "the glass is half empty" stage right now

Sooooooo.......please excuse the pity party, but I really needed to vent to someone who "get's it" and won't just give empty platitudes.

Ok, end rant