Holiday time can bring up incredible frustrations, helplessness, and anger at a world that appears to be totally oblivious to your pain. As the holidays approach, focus on what you need to take care of yourself. It might be to create a new way of celebrating important events that will be a healing balm to your grief rather than a reopening of the wounds.

Solicit other people's support in your active process of surviving the season. Share with family and friends your plan to take care of your hurting. If there is something someone can do to nurture you, let them know. You will be giving them the gift of honesty so they can give you the gift of caring.

Our senses are acute at this time. Every sight, sound, aroma, taste, and touch will be magnified. Or the opposite may occur and we may be anesthetized and not be able to feel anything.

Throughout our journey in and out of the winter months, it is vital that we listen carefully each day, hour and minute to what you are experiencing, what we need, and what we can do to get what we need.

Be gentle with you. Treat yourself as you would the most delicate tiny child who is hurting - who yearns only to be held, cuddled and protected. Care for yourself as the precious human being you are.

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by Janet Childs, The Centre for Living with Dying

printed in The Healing Garden The Compassionate Friends Newsletter