Here it is Wednesday, and the pdoc still hasn't called in my script.

And I don't really want to ask the pharmacy to front me any more pills. They are the ones who are out the money as long as the doc is messing about.

I am really not feeling well. I can't believe that this is all just chemical sensitivity. I have only been out since last night. I have to wonder how much of this is my expectation of how I should feel without the meds.

But I do know my mind is everywhere and nowhere. I am having the most difficult time concentrating. I so want to go home.

The work on my desk feels like skyscrapers and I can't even concentrate on where to begin.

You know, I never knew how bad I felt before the meds. Does that make sense? Now that I know what it feels like to be stable, I can't imagine staying like this.

I am starting to realise though that I never really fully recovered from my mania this spring. I have been thinking about my behaviour. I see a pattern that seriously suggests that I have been mildly depressed. Which is better; I was REALLY bad before the med change. But my anxiety level is sky high. All the time. Over nothing. Can't make myself shower, won't leave the house, can barely keep it clean, tired all the time and now I can't get to sleep. Strange, foreign thoughts-really dark. ugh I can usually just ignore them, but not when I don't have meds.

Sigh. everywhere and no where. Enough whining. Just helps to say it out loud instead of it spinning away in my head with nowhere to go.