you know, i thought about ordering thanksgiving dinner- and didn't. Then on thanksgiving day i got pretty ****** at everyone when i couldn't get a little help, and the day went downhill from there. it was by far the worst holiday we've had as a family. Next time I have an inclination to order dinner i am doing it. My parents are coming for christmas and my mom loves to cook- so i think i am going to let her do most of it.

As for cleaning the house- my daughter get a list of two hours worth of chores every friday night or a normal weekend (if we are travelling, having company, soccer tourney or whatever else we get a smaller or no list) and she has until saturday afternoon to finish it. If she works quickly it is a 1-1.5 hour list, if she pokes along it can sometimes take all day, but that it the beauty of the list-if the chores are not done well enough she knows she will have to come back and redo it...so she doesn't slack too much either. If she wants to go out and do something with her friends she has to complete them before she goes, unless she makes arrangements with me to split them up (like if she wants to go out on friday night she has to do at least 1 thing...then finish saturday, but to go out saturday night they have to all be done)

If they don't get finished she gets no allowance or loses some privileges.

She also has a few smaller chores that are just done daily. She empties the D/W for me once per day, she empties all the house trash 2 times a week and takes the canse out to the curb on trash day, and she empties the compost once a day, thoguht that job is presently beign tranferred to her little brother. I think it is really important to make her pitch in. In return she gets a roof over her head, warm healthy food to eat, clothes to wear, her laundry done, club soccer, rides to and from soccer practices, games, goalie clinics, rides for outings, computers, cell phone, etc etc etc etc.

The best part of the list is that I can generally give her things that are the hardest for me like washing the kitchen floor. I also give ehr appropriate things like her bathroom. If I think she is going to blow chores off i give her her laundry as a chore since I do it normally. Then the only one to suffer if she does not do it is her.

Some days it takes more of my time to nag her about doing something than it would take to do it myself- but I keep at it hoping that it will change some day. In any case, nagging her is not very hard on my arms

In turn, on a weekend that she does get excused from chores, it feel like a gift...adn she genuiinely appreciates it. SHe also has a better understanding when i tell her that if she needs a favor, sometimes i need her help to replace the time I have to spend driving her or whatever it is, and she is hapy (and qualified) to help.

The other thing- quality control....if you are going to assign chores like cleaning the bathroom, write out the steps of everything that needs to be done and go over them with your kids before hand. that way when you say that it is not done to your satisfaction you can point on the list to where it says the mirrors must be streak free or that the floor must be swept/vacuumed or whatever. And, if you miss writing something that you know shoudl be a part of the chore, let it go the one time, but then clearly tell them you will be adding that detail to the list so they will have to do it next time.

Another bonus, when they do something really horrible or annoying and deserve to be grounded, you can assign chores as punishment instead or along with. My dad used to run a girls home when I was a teen and when you were on level 1 (the dog house level) for bad behavior you were not just restricted...you were working hard...cleaning toilets, washing floors, etc etc. I got the idea from him...and it is a great motivator for good behavior.

Just like our current society has made a mockery of christmas, it has also led our kids to believe they are entitled to so much.

ah well, sorry for my rant. my daughter and the chore system are really a big part of how i keep myself sane and the house in order. Having her help is a lot more than just having her help- it is also time during the weekend when I am not hassling her about a mess she is making somewhere, or taking her somewhere to meet friends or whatever. It is like the double jackpot. She also has a better appreciation of how not to mess things up since she knows how hard it is to clean up. I try to let her know how much it helps me so that sometimes, at least, she feels good about the contribution she is making.


i wish everyone a happy joy filled christmas, or whatever holiday you celebrate.

Johanna