I agree. We need to teach kids and adults to listen.

I think that we have forgotten that silence, for a few seconds, to collect our thoughts is good.

I have learned now, "There is nothing I can say. I am so sorry. Let me know if there is anything I can do." is often the best response. I have also learned that there is often a huge response right after a crisis...a death, a violent crime, a diagnosis....then, in a week or two, it all vanishes. That is when I send a card to some one, to let them know they are in my thoughts, or that I care. I used to make a meal and leave it on their doorstep, weeks after the crisis was over.

In my life, I found often people just did not know what to say, so they stayed away. Our family had a member that was a victim of a violent, hideous crime.....That was the hardest. No one knew what to say....they don't make cards for this kind of thing. Some folks came thru for us tho....I learned who my friends were---AND who my enemies were....my 'enemies' came from the most unlikely places....'Enemies' took the form of people advocating for the perpetrator of the crime. They are always out there....this bunch got a kick in the pants when the details of the crime were made public. I think there was not a hole deep enough for them to crawl into. He thankfully did prison time, but there were those that felt it should go unpunished. Enough said...it is still uncomfortable to speak about.

gee-I can here our emergency siren going...the tornado ones...we also hear it for fires....I assume some one started a fire somewhere, with the old wood burner. We have tornado sirens here that you can hear way in the country, as we live in tornado land. One of the best tornadoes ever filmed was filmed just a few miles from here...it was a big tornado but only one person died, and it hit in kind of a suburban-rural area, so not as many homes were damaged had it hit in town. People don't think of our state as a tornado alley but lately we get more and more.

You are right kmeb. Empathy is not sympathy. And when some one launches into their own story that they thinks relates to present situation, it makes me grimace.....it is sort of how we relate now a days.....There is much we can learn from days past, and how things were handled back then.

I think we need to stop and think before we open our mouths....and remember how the days wear on, after a loss...that is when some one often needs support.

As nice as cell phones, email and the virtual world is....we still need a real time hug....that said, an email is still very helpful, especially on a tough day.