It's going to be an interesting Christmas around here this year for a lot of reasons. I just can't seem to get myself motivated to do anything.

I watched Polar Express the other night and like the movie...I can't seem to find the spirit this year. Either in the spiritual sense or emotional or any other way. I seem to be watching things happening around me as if I am not here. Detached.

What excites me most right now is spending the day, either Monday or Tuesday, making Gingerbread houses with my neighbor's two kids. They are 10 and 6, a boy and a girl. I am really looking forward to that!

I've done a little bit of shopping (online!), but no decorations, no tree, no cards. I still have my fall wreaths on my front door. I usually make wreaths for my front door (we have double front doors so I have two to make) and I want to, but just don't seem to be motivated.

Maybe it's because right now MS is kicking my butt.

I am planning to fly to Oklahoma to visit my sister and mom, but with the weather there? Who knows if I will even get there. My mom's health is bad. My sister has been running a FEMA emergency crew since the ice storms hit and is now tasked with another one due to the snow storms. She could use my help but not sure I can get there. I will try. It will give me something to do, something that will make a difference. I can help with the emergency crews and give her some relief! That makes me feel good. I can also cook...something I am very good at! She likes that!

My family doesn't know I have MS, I guess I should say that my mom and brother in OK don't. My sister does. She has enough medical training as an EMT that she figured out that something was wrong so I told her. But no one else does.

Curious --- no spit!!! I am proud of you! A few years ago, we all put together a DVD of pictures and videos of my dad. It is great!

As for Christmas? I am making my own inner peace this year, with the help of some very good friends.