Thank you everyone. I'll try to address some of everyone in general as I took 2 klonopin and am rather mellow at the moment.

I have not talked to my family for years because of the way they treat me like crap. When my husband and I split I had no one after that because I was already isolated by my husband so I apolized to my family for basically in a round about way not kssing their behinds just to have some one in my life. Well, to say the least they were so little support back then I might has well not even had them in my life again. But at the time it was something instead of nothing. I remember staring at the walls or hours back then because I had no life and didn't know what else to do but stare at the walls. I had no friends coming by to see me and I only had a small check staying in a big house to keep up. Even after I moved I was in the same boat, I didn't even know my neighbors at 1st then. My 1st month in my new home I was sick the whole month with a lung infection and a sinus infection. I remember paying cab drivers almost $20 to pick something up for me because I was too weak to drive. Most the time I did drive and it's a wonder as sick as I was I did not kill myself or someone else with my car. I had no one though and needed medicine and food. My familys crap was lot better than not having no one to talk to by phone becasue they sure didn't come to my house except my older brother who lives out of town. He would cuss me and yell and scream at me when at my house. I have a few good friends now that I didn't have before and had it not been for them I'd have lost it by now. My family cuts me out of their lives when I stand up to be treated with respect and dignity. They have wives and kids and I don't. So not having anything to do with me didn't bother my family. But when my husband was kicked out and I had no one I got desparate and apolozied to my family so they would be freinds with me. They never got better but only get worse. I know my family well enough that if they have to treat me nice they don't want me in their life. They are a bunch of control, no it all, judgemental freaks.

I need to rest. I've had a terrible day.

befuddled2