I am so sorry you are alone this way.
I know what it's like to drive with a high fever to get meds because there's no one to do it for you.
I don't have siblings, and it sounds like, for all effective purposes, neither do you. I am so angry for how you are being treated - by family, neighbours, all.

I know it isn't something that washes off, so i won't say don't let it upset you. But try to experience even the bad feelings and let them wash over you - they will subside. They will come in waves. Both the old but open wounds with your family, and the recent loss in your ex-husband's death.

I am so glad you came here and vented. Please keep doing so. I wish a few of us could get together at your place and bring things for a pot luck dinner, wouldn't that be cool? well, we can think about it here, anyway. you're a strong person.

I'm sorry you were desperate to call your family in and having that backfire on you again. I am so sorry you are dealing with so much insensitivity.

Again, put a bit differently like Moose said, you can't control them. Also, remember, the way they treat you, the way they act, is something THEY OWN, whether they admit it, or (as occurred with your brother) try to "palm the thing off" on you. Keep mind of this, whenever those "accusations" penetrate, and push back, mentally: "it wasn't about me, it was about him."

You take it easy and be sweet to yourself, girl. Hold your head high and proud.

Sorry I'm not around regularly - problems of my own - different nature. But i still think of you and the others here and wish you well. take care,

Barbara

~ waves ~