I wasn't saying give up and accept - but there is a "now" - if you don't accept the now you are missing out on a lot of life.

I have learnt that the constant fighting against it makes you worse. It is like trying to run a marathon on a broken leg.- you have to make allowances for yourself and be kind to yourself.

Of course I have not given up.

I also know that I can never be the same person even if I recover all my missing "brain functions/cells whatever" as I have learnt so much from this already! I will never take myself and my abilities for granted again, I will be able to accept help gracefully - I now realise that people like to be able to help - people actually enjoy helping - I never let anybody help me before because "I could do everything and I knew everything" I was always the person that helped. I will also be less sarcastic than I was and will never be as critical - does it really matter if it takes a little longer to think of something?? I don't beat myself up if sometimes I can't think as quickly as I could in the past. I have seen signs that I am slowly getting quicker and it has been since I stopped beating myself up trying so hard.

Quite frankly PCS McGee - give yourself a break. I have been where you are maybe in not such much physical pain, but when my husband left and my best friend died of cancer, and my brother got cancer you can probably imagine that I was not in a good place. Personally I can now see that I have done amazingly well - it has been slow and for a person like me has always been impatient with myself and other I have surprised myself. I have somehow managed to keep my sense of humour - when I lose things, do strange things etc I have to laugh - it is funny finding things that you don't expect to find in the freezer or fridge - back tracking through the house to find where you put something down before picking something because you are so easily distracted.

I know I still have my talents - sometimes they hide from me - but they are there.

I know PCS McGee when you recover you will be a different person, how could you not be after going through all of this and for so long??

Lynlee