Dear Waves,

Neurontin failed in studies as a mood stabilzer but it could still end up being helpful to a person here and there. Right?

I know that you have referenced your pdoc in a various posts. (You keep promising to start a thread. ) I have gathered that you are unhappy with him on a few levels.

Still, if you needed a script or needed to bounce your ideas off someone could you call him? Would you? If no, then connect more strongly with the other two folks you mentioned. Get an appointment so that you are one of their people.
That's sort of how it works here anyway, sort of. Once you have an appointment, they are more likely to not ignore you than if you call out of the blue.

Could you very soon call the one who can get you in within 2 days and go ahead a meet her and establish a relationship with her? If you are in an ER-type situation, two days is too long. You need one or more people a phone call away -- especially since you run manic. I think that those of us who run depressed can go longer without call backs.

And yes, I see that you have Zyprexa and lithium. Lithium would take a little while to offer you help. I don't know how fast Zyprexa works -- I'm thinking fast-ish. Depakote would need a little while I'm guessing . . .

OK. I will stop with the ruminating. You have a few plans.
I would feel better if you had someone else besides yourself to rely on, that's all.

And maybe you are doing something good -- starting afresh after a few years of not getting good enough results.

Is your goal to be well enough to get a job that you can keep? Is that how you would measure eventual success?

On a slightly other note. I notice as I get older that I tolerate the meds less AND have less patience for side effects. You are brave to be throwing stuff out and considering perhaps starting from scratch. Or you are tired of being tired of being not well. Or you are slightly not clear headed. Or, any number of possibilities and combinations . . .

OK. I'll leave you a lone with my thinking "aloud" and go to bed.

One of your issues in a pdoc/doc of any kind is that you prefer someone at least as smart as you are. Maybe you like someone who can match some of your energy too.
We should start an on-line match up site for patients and pdocs:
Witty Creative Intelligent pdoc seeks responsible complicated patients who need Nurturing from someone on top of the recent protocol models but not afraid to work outside the box when necessary. Office is located in a convenient place. No changing of trains is needed

Be better. Be well.
We have a new year upon us. This offers hope.

Mari